I use to own a flower shop. I LOVE flowers! I decided to sell my shop when we were in the process of adopting the baby. I knew I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom and if we were going to commit to these children and become their parents I wanted to give it my all. So then last year I was thinking about this and I decided I wasn't giving them my all. I felt like I was here but not engaged because of my weight. We have been talking about going to Disney World with them and to be perfectly honest, the airline ride right off the bat scared the hell out of me! Would I fit in one seat? Would the seat belt fasten or would I need one of those extenders? (how embarrassing! in front of my kids!) Then, I knew there would be NO WAY I could get on a ride. My poor kids. I just want to cry. So DAMN IT! I'm going to do something about it.
There is one more piece of my story, one that is very hard for me to talk about, but I have to be honest about everything and why I am the way I am. I also have another son. When I was 16 my boyfriend and I got pregnant. The one and only time I have ever been pregnant. My boyfriend bailed. I turned to food for comfort. My parents were ashamed. I was ashamed. I was sent to a home for the remainder of my pregnancy. I placed my darling little boy for adoption. Now mind you, I am not ashamed of this. Especially not now. I gave two people who dreamed of holding a child in their arms and couldn't a gift that meant the world to them. They raised him, loved him and gave him everything that I wasn't able to at that time in my life. I turned to food again because I was so miserable. This darling little boy of mine found me last year. I didn't go looking of him because I always felt like I had made my choice, now he had to make his choice whether or not he wanted me in his life. Besides, lets be honest. I was embarrassed how I looked. I know now that it doesn't matter. He is WONDERFUL! He has amazing parents and two sisters. We have a great relationship now and I want to be here for him and his wife for a long time also.
My son and I are our first meeting on March 12, 2011
But back to my life story after I placed my little boy for adoption. The boyfriend came back, gave me a song and dance about how we would get married and have more kids when we were older and ready. I believed him. But being pregnant did a number on my body. I gained alot of weight being pregnant, didn't lose it. Then went on to party my way through high school to forget what happened. I moved out on my own. Ate crappy food, drank to much, gained more weight. Got married at 21 to the boyfriend. Tried to be perfect for him. I could cook! He didn't come home, I ate what I cooked. Took fertility drugs, no baby. More depression, more eating, more weight. After 7 years, realized he was cheating, kicked him out, filed for divorce. Ate some more. Party more. Gained more. Meet a wonderful man 4 years later. Got remarried after 6 months. By then weight was a real issue. My wonderful husband doesn't care. He loves me! He's not small himself. He's 6'4 and about 330. Tall, dark and HANDSOME! He's your typical midwest farm boy. Loves meat! He can cook and grill! We tried to have kids right away since we were no spring chickens. Lots of fertility drugs, no go. So we decided to adopt. Now 3 amazing children later, we have decided that we need to be here for these kids and be the best we can be. So I had surgery to help me with this. The hubby is thinking about doing it too, but in the past couple of months since my surgery, we have found that I'm changing how we all eat and its having an affect on him, so we will see!
Now you have some background!
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