Thursday, April 17, 2014

I'm BACK! Its been WAY TO LONG!

I am back! I need to be back! When I was blogging and reading blogs you all kept me on track. I was losing and keeping myself together! Since then I have still been a good wife and mother but not good on the weight loss. I never did get below the 300 mark and now I'm back up to 340.............oh, LORD that hurt to put that down! I have slowly been realizing this because of how I feel, my knees have been killing me. I have been more of a bump on the log. But when my 6 year old came home with his feelings hurt because one of his classmates said to him, "Your mom is fat" that about killed me. Not for me but for him. My whole life I only wanted to be a good mom, and I am but only partially. How do I motivate myself? I will figure this out! I need help!

Friday, April 20, 2012

Friday Weigh In and BYOC

Starting weight 372 lbs. on 12/5/11 I'm in week 19
last weeks weight 313.6
This weeks weight 313.2
Loss of .4 lbs for the week Total loss of 58.8

Yup, only .4 lb loss. Its in the right direction but not that thrilled. I'm not upset though, I saw lower 2 days ago and then lovely Aunt Flo showed up so I'm blaming that. The only thing I'm struggling with is that last week when I saw the PA and the nutritionist they said I needed to increase my calories. I'm having a hard time doing that without eating junk! I can eat like normal, enter it all in MFP and then at the end of the day, go "Crap! I need another 150 calories, lets eat ice cream!" I don't think that's correct, right? ;-)

I know I've been a BAD blogger! Sorry Miss Lorie! But I will say that I sit down and try to read up on what I've missed! My kids have been keeping me running! Baseball started this week and soccer and of course taekwondo! Thank God it rained on Monday or I would of been a world of hurt that night. I had soccer at 5:45, taekwondo at 6, a fundraiser for church we were suppose to work at from 5-8 and an auxiliary meeting at 7. Soccer was cancelled, so we had more time for the church stuff!  Next week things are more organized! Enough of that, onto BYOC!

1. Do you have any siblings? What is your relationship with them? Good, bad, ugly?

I have 2 brothers and a sister. I am the oldest. My birth father died when I was 10 months old in a car accident so my siblings are halfsies with me, but it doesn't matter in the slightest except they all had blond hair when they were younger (my sis still does) and they have blue eyes. They are all naturally thin too! (ugg) I use to be much closer to my oldest brother until he married my SIL, no offense to anyone but we live in the Midwest and she is from California. We call that place the cereal bowl of America........its full of nuts, fruits and flakes! Not everyone, but my SIL sure is! But oh well, he choose her, he has to live with her. She's the mother of my wonderful niece so I won't say to much about her. My next brother is getting married next year and is expecting a baby this Sept. (yes, backwards) He had Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma about 4 years ago and we weren't sure he was ever going to have kids, so we are happy. My sis is a lawyer on the East coast and we talk a couple of times a week, even though she is 10 years younger. We have become much closer since she had my nephew 4 years ago.
2. Let’s talk pizza. Do you prefer homemade or restaurant? What toppings are your fave?

Homemade pizza is OK, but I'm always trumped by what can go on it. So I like restaurant pizza. I usually order at least a half that is to my own liking. Chicken, bacon ranch. Maybe BBQ chicken. Or maybe just plain old Canadian bacon with lots of cheese.

3. When is the last time you cried – in sadness and in joy?
Cried, that's a hard one. I'm not much of a crier but when I do, I do it up good! I get teary eyed at commercials and feel good things but not really cry. I cried when we adopted all 3 of my kids. I'll tell you more about that in another post! I really cried when I lost my grandfather (my birth dads father) about 8 years ago. He was SUCH an important man in my life! But usually when things are going to hell I become calm because everyone else is crazy. When my brother was diagnose with cancer, my mom FREAKED. I kept calm and talked to the doctors. When my dad (adoptive) was diagnosed with colon cancer 4 years ago, once again mom was a basket case. She thought she was going to bury another husband, I stayed calm and handled crap. The last time I really lost it was when we thought our daughters birth mom was going to back out and take her back when Brooklyn was about a month old (and colicky as HELL) I flipped out and cried, screamed generally lost it, with the lawyer listening from one phone as I talked to this birth mother on a cell I flipped the bitch switch and my husband, and parents and in-laws watching wide-eyed I really lost it. Well, we have our daughter.  Enough said.
4. Do you own a gun – one that is specifically yours? Do you know how to use it?
Not any more. See above answer. That is one reason why. I use to have a really cute pearl handled revolver but for some reason my ex-husband took it with him when he left to go live with his girlfriend (probably One good choice he made in his F'n life) because for the same reason I listed above. When I finally flip, I flip. I really wouldn't ever hurt anyone, except a skunk in my yard, or a raccoon getting into my garbage, or in my garage eating the cats food. This is South Dakota. I have hunted, shot guns, we own one. But for protection only (wildlife mostly). It is locked up and the ammo is separate so that the kids can NOT get near it. I would DIE if something happened to one of them! They have been told to respect the gun. They get corrected quickly if I hear anything even remotely like, "I'm going to shoot you" or  even the finger thing at each other like boys do.
5. Repeat question. Summarize your week!
Its been BUSY! I'm planning Daniels 7th birthday for next month. Trying to figure out summer schedules. Zoo camp, Y camp for the two boys, swimming lessons, camping, baby showers for my brothers fiance, and my cousin. I'm on the church board of education so planning Vacation Bible school. I would like to get to Texas with a stop in OK to visit my daughters birth mother (for about 2 hours only) but that way she won't come up here! I am SO bad! Have a great weekend everyone!

Friday, April 13, 2012

Friday Weigh in! Oh, Glorious!

Starting weight 372 lbs. on 12/5/11 I'm in week 18
last weeks weight 316.0
This weeks weight 313.6
Loss of 2.4 lbs for the week Total loss of 58.4!

Well, I'll be damned! I guess changing my calorie intake does make a difference! I was just eating 1000 calories a day for the past 16 weeks and my loss slowed down, bump up the calories to 1200-1400 and you lose weight. How weird is that? I really sucked at science when I was in school, and this really had me baffled. Common sense would tell me that the less you eat, the more you lose. Not soooo says the dietitian and the PA at the doctors office.  So now that my body is not hanging on to the weight I need to burn more. The really weird part for me is the other day when I was feeling down in the dumps I got into that darn Easter candy and wolfed down a handful of Robin Eggs. I love Whoppers candy so a piece of candy that just has a candy coating is awesome! I ate them before checking on how many calories are in them. I had about 12 of those little suckers. I then went on myfitnesspal and plugged in Robin Eggs  in the popped up 4 equals 200 calories! I about shit a brick sideways! I had consumed 600 calories! I was sooo pissed at myself for being so freaking weak. Then yesterday I was in the grocery store and walked past the discounted Easter candy. There sat a couple of bags of those damn Robin Eggs. I picked it up and turned it over and the label read 8 pieces equals 180 calories. I would of thought that I would of been relieved, I was a little instead of 600 calories I ended up consuming 270 instead. Still, I thought about was that candy really worth that amount of calories? It comes back to does that candy taste as good as losing weight makes me feel?  Heck NO! I did a little dance getting off the scale this morning. I'm getting so close to kicking the 300's in the butt FOREVER! THAT is what makes me feel good. Now the question is .............How do you always remember that before you stick crap in your mouth?
Have an awesome weekend everyone!  Oh, and WAY TO GO Miss Lorie over at I just ate my willpower for losing 101 pounds!  You are awesome! All you girls are! I don't know if I could really do this without reading all your posts! Holly, you are amazing. Drazil, hilarious! You make laugh so hard! I could go on forever about each one of you. But I need to get ready to actually go to work today! I'm helping out at the flower shop for the day...........its PROM time! Need to go help make teenage girls dreams come true!

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Hitting the reset button!

So I had a small gain last week. I felt really down in the dumps about it. The darn Easter candy got to me. I love jellybeans and robin eggs (candy coated Whoppers) Love those malted milk balls! I ate WAYYYYY to much candy this weekend. So I knew I had a doctors appointment today and I'm going to have a fill. I haven't been to the doctor since Feb. 17th. I know that I'm going to show a loss on their scale but not as much as it could be. Today I get to see the PA who also runs our support group. She is the PA for both the surgeons in the office. I was discussing how much is in my band and my concerns. She thought that I didn't have enough. I asked her if she would put a bigger fill in me and she said yes. So today I am hitting the reset button on my weight loss. Unfortunately my appointment isn't until later afternoon, but I'm still going to do liquids today and of course then liquids for the next day or two and then back to mushies. I think this is what I need to get back on track! I want to be out of the stinking 300's by May. That is a little over 16 lbs. in about 3 weeks. I might be pushing it but I need a goal. Then the next goal is another 25 lbs by July 1st. Am I setting myself up for disappointment?

Friday, April 6, 2012

Friday Weigh-In.........Damn it, Damn it, DAMN IT!

Starting weight 372 lbs. on 12/5/11 I'm in week 17
last weeks weight 315.6
This weeks weight 316.0
Loss  gain of  .4 lbs for the week Total loss of 56.2

That totally SUCKS! I know its my own fault but I'm going to blame it on the F'n jelly beans that have been screaming my name. I only eat a time. But I only do that a couple (6 or 7) times a day.  But seriously, I looked on the package and it says that a serving is about 14 jelly beans and that is 160 calories. Now I have been keeping my calories at around 1000 a day. I do not eat my exercise calories. I DO log those damn jelly beans and I still have been working out. Why did I gain weight then? I can understand back in the day when I was in one of my moods I could eat a whole box of that glorious cheesy noodle substance? Why could I go to a China buffet and load up on egg rolls, crab Rangoon, General chicken and tons of fried rice. I haven't had any of that in over 4 months but I eat a couple of handfuls of jelly beans and I gain weight. I don't understand!!! I would almost kill for a gooey pizza. Even some chips and cheesy queso dip sounds glorious. Does thinking and dreaming about food make you gain weight?
I guess I'm starting to face reality. I thought that when I started this at my weight,  just changing my eating habits, reducing my intake and my band helping me feel full the weight would just magically slip off. I knew that it would be my job to control myself, but I really thought that I wouldn't have to work really hard at it for at least 100 lbs. I knew then I might have to face going to the gym and sweating (ugggg!) So to prepare myself and to get the kick start it I have been going 2x a week and letting a trainer bust my butt and I can tell it has helped, but do I need to increase this? Is that my life from now on? I've never been one who wanted to exercise. I want to have energy and go do things, but not the gym, run, or even zumba. I want to go to the zoo with my kids, go to amusement parks, walk the mall. Go to concerts. Travel and sight see. I want to stay in exotic locations and fabulous hotels, but I could care less if there is a fitness room in the hotel. Do I need to change that way of thinking? Am I ever going to like to exercise?

Oh, and has anyone else had problems with blogger this week? There are times I can't read anyones blogs and forget about commenting, it just locks up! I have been reading when I get a chance!

Friday, March 30, 2012

Friday Weigh in Day and Happy Anniversary!

Starting weight 372 lbs. on 12/5/11 I'm in week 16
last weeks weight 318
This weeks weight 315.6.
Loss of  2.4 lbs for the week Total loss of 56.6  Lets round that up to 57!!!!

It is the hubby and I's 10th anniversary! WOW! Its a big deal to me since I was married once before for 7 years and it was complete HELL. I was so freaked out about second marriages and the likely hood of them lasting. I have NO doubts now. Its like the first marriage didn't even happen. We have 3 wonderful kids, a beautiful home and a strong marriage and now.........I'm losing weight. I weigh less today than when I got married 10 long years ago! I can feel the next year only getting better! This is a short post because my brother and his fiance are coming to take care of the kids so hubby and I can go check into a hotel for the night. We are going to make the MOST of the next 24 hours! Toodles and I'll fill you in later. Well, not completely! ;-)

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

16 weeks! 1/3 of the way through a year!

So yesterday was 16 weeks for me. Wow! A 1/3 of the way through my first year of weight loss. I remeasured myself and I'm 43 inches down! That is almost 4 FEET! What the heck?! That amazes me! I got on the scale this morning and it read 315.9! Down 2.2 from Friday! I usually weigh in on Fridays, because I know that weekends can be rough on me for eating. But I'm down!  I ate more than usual on Sat. and Sunday too! My trainer thinks I need to divert from my usual 1000 calories a couple times a week, not go crazy but add a few calories to keep my body guessing is how she puts it. WOW! I'm getting so excited about saying GOOD FRICKIN' BYE to the 300's. But then I'm faced with getting through 200's! Its a double edged sword isn't it? I want so bad to never see a 3 in front of my weight again but the thought of how hard getting through the course of the 2's freak me out! How long is that going to take?  But 8 weeks ago I posted about how 8 weeks is about how long I USE to stick with a diet. I've doubled that! WOO HOO! 
I had a few NSV's this weekend. I started out wearing a 26/28 depending on the pair of pants. My MIL told me to go buy new pants because mine were becoming baggy. I went to my local Catherines about 2 weeks ago. I grabbed a 26 and a 24 and went into the dressing room. Slipped on the 26, no problems, but a bit big. Slipped on the 24 and FIT! I was thrilled! Decided that I was only getting one pair of jeans because then I would need to really work and get into smaller pants. At the checkout I saw how cheap the jeans were. They were on sale for $14.99! So I got brave and bought myself a 22 and a 20. So this weekend I grabbed a pair of jeans without looking at them and slipped them on, a little snug, but zipped right up and buttoned. I started wondering then, took them off and sure enough they were the 22's!!! I'm going to go try the 20's on just to see how far I have to go, but I am SO stinking thrilled about the 22's. I haven't been a 22 in about 10 years! The hubby and mine  10 year anniversary is this Friday and I'm in better shape now than when we got married! I put on my wedding dress the other day for him. To big! It was a pretty dress but not what I really wanted for a dress to get married in. So I decided that next year for our anniversary I want to wear a cute little dress for our anniversary that will make my husband stand at attention. Well, part of my husband stand at attention! hehehe I'm sooo naughty!  I went a got a new bathing suit for the weekend because we are going away for the weekend. I got into a 20 and damn I don't look to bad! My legs still look terrible, but I know I'm a work in progress!
I want all of you to know that I read all the blogs and you are all AMAZING! I love having your blogs to keep me going. I think reading about others good days and bad days are so inspiring! We all have this weight thing in common and we will all get through it and get to the maintenance part and do well at that too!