Monday, February 27, 2012

12 weeks!

I was banded 12 weeks ago today. In less than a hour it will be exactly 12 weeks. How has my life changed in that amount of time! It was an action packed weekend around our home this weekend so I don't even want to step on  the scale! Why do weekends have to be so damn hard on our eating? I did go measure today and I am down a little over 32 inches! Holy cow! I've been rolling that around in my brain for a couple of hours now. That is taller than my daughter. I am 5'4 so 64", so half of me. I have been looking at my legs and I can't seem to wrap my head around that. I even measured twice because I just can't believe it. It has created a dilemma in me. I'm proud of the inches gone, but...........
 I have gotten to the point that I don't want to tell anyone how much weight I have lost. My mom asked me this weekend and I told her I wasn't telling her. She couldn't understand why. I feel like my weight loss doesn't correspond to how I look. Almost 50 lbs! and 32 inches. Yes, I'm proud, but I don't see it when I look in the mirror. I'm still ashamed and it still depresses me and PISSES me off! When does it get to the point when you can see it for yourself? I am SO MAD that it took me until I was 372lbs before I said, "Enough! Tubby!" I want to be so much more for my kids! I know I'm on my way, but I wish that I could just upload a new version of thinking into my brain that would make it so that I wouldn't want that cracker with cheese on it. Not just a slice of cheddar, but that awesome soft cheese ball rolled in almonds and bacon! Or hot cheese dip and tortilla chips. Why can't I stop wanting chocolate? Cookies? I know we all have those damn demons that lurk in the recesses of our mind and when we just have a slight moment of weakness they spring up and BAM! Before you know it some of that crap is in your mouth!  Why does stuff that is good for us not taste cheesy, warm, gooey, salty, creamy?
OK, enough for that tangent. Now on to the next 12 weeks. May 21st.. That will be 24 weeks. What should my goal be? That's a hard one. I WANT to double my weight loss that I have had so far, but am I setting myself up for disappointment? Will it come off slower these next 12 weeks? I don't want to expect to much and then get myself in a funk. I think I will go half way and then go full bore on the weight loss. I'm shooting for 75 lbs. gone FOREVER!
I want to thank the wonderful Drazil for sending you new wonderful people over my way! Support is awesome to have and I'm very thankful for all I get. Please leave me a message so I can follow you too and support you as well!

11 comments:

  1. Hi Lori! Listen, gurl, you are doing AMAZINGLY WELL!!! You should be so, so proud of yourself. I understand wanting it to be gone yesterday, really, I do. But continuing on down that path is all you need to worry about right now. In all honesty, for me personally, assigning a number and a deadline to reach that number never goes well for me. My body seems to just do it at it's own pace, and I always get disappointed in myself. I try to set myself goals of hitting under 1200 cals a day[insert your own number here], or 100 oz of water every day, or working out at least 3 times a week. Then if I'm tracking that and I know I'm hitting those goals, then the weight will come off as my body releases it, you know? Feel free to hop on over to my blog if you like - canuckbanditmusings.blogspot.com. Keep up the great work!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Awesome!!! You are doing so great!!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. You are doing awesome! Maybe you can't see it but I sure as hell bet your friends and family can...take comparison pics when you can and you'll see. Keep up the great work!

    ReplyDelete
  4. 50 pounds is fabulous!!!! I think you are doing great!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. You are doing SO well!! Such an amazing loss in just 12 weeks! I'm only a month or two ahead of you and I don't know if those cravings for yummy gooey food ever go away, but I do know that every time you resist, you get stronger. Good luck on the next 12 weeks! x

    ReplyDelete
  6. Wow I am totally speechless. You've done awesome in a mere 12 weeks. I say keep doing whatever you're doing because it's totally working!! I am so happy for you. I can really relate to wanting to do more with your kids and you will. I still can't get over how in 12 weeks you've changed your life. It's really inspiring!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I know the feeling when people ask how much have you lost, I red one suggestion that you tell them you don't know as you are concentrating on the eating and exercising right and not using the scale as a guide. You can always try that. Or tell them your inches lost instead.

    I think you are doing great, but the image problem can take some work, so try not to let it get you :o)

    ReplyDelete
  8. You are doing great in fact Freaking Amazing! Do not let others dictate how you feel. That includes the scale. What you are doing is a journey not a race!

    You will get the mirror to catch up with reality but it takes awhile sadly.

    Hugs

    ReplyDelete
  9. Congrats on your weight loss and inches lost! That's amazing in 12 weeks.

    Sorry for just finally finding your blog, I couldn't find a link for it when you first started following me. But after Draz posted today, I was pleasantly surprised to find it was yours.

    Oh, and don't be so hard on yourself... we all have to start somewhere. 372 lbs was just your wake-up call. :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hey girl! I just want you to know that I compeletly understand where you are coming from. My fat brain is much harder to get rid of than the fat body (I NEVER thought I would say that.) Over 90 pounds later I still think "my hell you are fat" when I look at myself. When will I look and think "wow, you've lost a lot of weight?" I don't know the answer to that. What I do know is that each journey is our own. Whatever that "number on the scale" was that scared the hell out of each of us, well we should all just be glad it wasn't 50 pounds more. If you ever need anything please let me know. I genuinely like you and know first hand what you are going through. I can promise you that we can either kick ass, or have our asses kicked. I personally like to do the kicking!
    KEEP IT UP GIRL~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Lorie! I will kick some major ass!

      Delete