Tomorrow is the day that I get banded! My emotions are all over the place. I'm nervous. I don't want anything to go wrong. But I'm also angry today. Angry that I let myself get this way so that I'm in this position in the first place. Angry that I couldn't lose weight on my own. Angry that I have PCOS and that it makes it harder to lose weight. I'm excited. I can't wait for this surgery to be over so that I can get on with losing weight. Determination. I'm going to do this! Sadness. I'm sad that I've waited so long. I could go on and on and find a number of reasons for a number of emotions.
I have 3 young children (Daniel-6, Bryce-4, & Brooklyn-2). What if something goes wrong and I'm not here to see them through life? But if I don't have this surgery I'm doing the same thing, just in a slower way. I've wanted these children for so long and adopting them with my wonderful husband Mike is what I have said is the "3 Best decisions that we have ever made". I want to lose this weight for ME but also for me to have a better relationship with these 3 amazing children. I want to go to Disney World with them and be able to ride the rides, walk all over and see everything that there is to see through their eyes and create wonderful family memories! I know that I'm still going to tire easier than they will, I'm over 40 for cripes sake, but I know that I won't make it a mile like I am now! I have a goal to reach for and I have a daily reminder of that goal, my kids. Nothing is going to stop me!